Remember when people used to bully you in gradeschool? Haha. Remember how no one would ever stand up for you..? Not even your own boyfriend, lol

I believe in God, the Father Almighty.

Creator of Heaven and Earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son, Our Lord. 
I believe in miracles.
I believe in my Kuya.
I believe in a cure.

Today, I found out his body stopped responding to chemotherapy..
and he’s been released from Mt. Sinai, so he won’t be taking anything else since they have nothing else to offer.
I have no way of expressing how I truly feel, as of right now.
I’m scared. I’m sad. This is so unfair for him, for me. 
I don’t want to lose him.. but his life is literally,
in God’s hands.

My mother told me to prepare myself, prepare myself for the worst, for the best. For whatever is coming my way..
I honestly have no idea of how to do that.

Imagine his death? How hopeless and devastated I’ll be due to the fact that he’s been my big brother from the day I met him? How I won’t be able to move on because it was always going to be us until the end, our end. How much I’ll miss him and regret not doing everything I could to help him happy and healthy?

Or will I imagine his recovery? His recovery into health, where he finally has his hair back, and he won’t be afraid of eating junk food, or walking at malls without having to take pain killers. 

The thing is, he’s recovered last year, only to come back into 2012 with two different types of cancer. How am I to imagine a time so safe and secure without feeling this same fear of losing it all in a second?

No one understands how painful this is.
I just want him to stay longer.. 

ilikefatbitches:

“Endless conversations muted to an awkward silence
“I never meant it to end this way”, I’ll say in my defense
But you wouldn’t believe it, I mean I’d never mean it
If it was my intention, oh did I forget to mention
How I left you because our relationship was always detrimental?
I know it seems…